MUCH ADO ABOUT FUNMI HAIR

I was sitting in the office one afternoon when a tall not so pretty girl walked towards me and asked for directions to the ladies. When I did give her and she turned to walk away, I couldn’t help but notice the bouncy shiny weave on her head. Suddenly, it was as if the whole world was in slow motion as her hair moved swayed like the ocean to the cool evening breeze.

I called her back immediately and asked her what weave she had on. “Oh, it’s just Funmi Hair”, she replied rolling her eyes as ran her fingers through it for emphasis. I went green with envy and I contemplated dragging her into the ladies and chopping her hair off. But then, that would be against the law, wouldn’t it? However, at that exact moment I knew that I had to get me some Funmi Hair or die trying.

When I talked about my latest mission to my friends, to my greatest surprise, two out of three of them already had Funmi hair stashed in their closet. When I asked them why they hadn’t worn it yet, they said they were reserving it for a very special occasion where a huge crowd of ladies to ogle at it. They advised me to contact the Funmi Hair dealer here in Lagos to make enquiries about the product. When I called her, she seemed rather pleasant at first but when she told me the price and I asked her if I could pay installmentaly over the next six years, she hung up on me.

The next day, my boyfriend and I were chilling lazily at his apartment when I asked him the reason why next week was so special. "It's your birthday on Monday, isn't it?"He replied, smiling as if he had just solved an age old riddle. I smiled back and proceeded to tell him what I wanted as a birthday gift. "Is it not one of those human hair weaves I see around?"He enquired, "No, it is not, it’s Funmi Hair! You can look it up!"I retorted. I went on to give him the dealer's number, with hopes that maybe he could get a better deal. He kissed my cheek and promised me he would do his best to make me happy.

Less than 48 hours later, I got a message from him that read "Why don't you just sell me to slavery in order to pay for your stupid Funmi Hair!"

I am still undeterred, next stop is the bank...I'm sure they have some kind of “hair” soft loan I can apply for...